Sorry folks, this is intended to offend.
Many guys bemoan being put into this mysterious designation of the friend zone. While it isn't a place per se, but much like Hell itself is now understood, it is a state of being, but one that men have complete control over going to.
Usually the scenario is thus: guy thinks he wants to be or is in love with (or at least wants to get laid by) a woman. But, he lacks both confidence and cajones to come striaght out the gate with a date offer. Now, most oftentimes women just know when a guy wants them, even without any stated proposal or invitation.
Nonetheless, they proceed, but not as a pair exploring coupledom. Usually, she'll invite him out with her friends -- often they are mostly female. They'll have lots of fun together, talking about her favorite pasta textures, avacado recipes, places to shop, past boyfriends, cute guys, etc. All the while, he's getting closer, ever-harboring those high hopes. They text and talk constantly...
And then, all of a sudden, she announces she's met the guy she's really pining for romantically. Or even that she's now in a relationship. "But what about me?" the dumb bastard exclaims. Then, the predictable speech about "being like a brother to me" and "not wanting to spoil our beautiful friendship" comes. How beautiful indeed.
Several things are really happening:
1. She's irredeemably self-absorbed. On a practical basis, this friended dude is like another young lady comrade to her, for his presence is truly androgynous in her mind. Now that's largely his fault (as we'll get to), but on a practical level, what type of "love" is truly exchanged herein?
Well, oftentimes listening to her confide in him such tragedies as what exactly happened between she and some dude -- perhaps an ex -- when "he got me drunk." Mind you, platono-boy (someday) hopes to have relations with her, or just can't get her out of his mind, for her to instead torment him with all sordid details of her "mistakes" to be unconditionally assured of her lovability. The only problem is, it's his lovability she's blinded to in the process. And, sucking up his time and efforts away from what could be more fruitful pursuits for him means nothing to her.
2. He's like a brother. When she says that, believe it. Most women aren't interested in dating their brothers -- that's called incest.
3. He's a nice guy This in itself doesn't require much description, as it's culturally agreed-upon as to what constitutes such niceness. But all of his seemingly selfless gestures (which still have a distinct purpose, always) speak a much deeper, more subtle language to people in general, women in particular. He's a wimp. When push comes to shove on the elemental levels, when it comes to providing that essential security in life, his abundant social graces speak to his being a doormat in major conflicts, and an inability to "stake out territory." On the deepest levels, this is hugely unappealing to females.
4. Guys allowing themselves routine friend zoning are a scourge on all menkind. Private behavior does have a public impact, here too I'm afraid. Instead of directly pursuing the goal of dating and marriage directly, too many pussyfoot around it in their young adulthood. Women too often freely take the liberty to play on the perceived affections of a single and looking guy (they are NOT completely interested in), and think nothing of swallowing up his time and efforts under the "getting to know you" pretext. As a matter of routine course, young adult women in this society seek out guys not for loving, but to fill their respective gaggles.
For the past two decades, a national campaign has been in full swing to improve and insure the high self-esteem of girls and young women. Take a look at the results yourself. The pathologic social dynamic of "just friends" is no help whatsoever to this or even to the institution of marriage.
Now this is NOT a diatribe against all forms of platonic relations and affections. They surely have an integral time and place in life. But nature has it where it is impossible to fully conflate "agape" with "eros."
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